Alright, it’s almost Valentine’s Day. Despite our previous article indicating the five things you should not do on this Day—whatever your feelings towards the ‘holiday’ itself—there are still plenty of you that are likely going to do something romantic that day. Hell, I count myself in among that number, even though I like railing against the entirely unnecessary existence of a ‘romance holiday’ in the first place.

How, exactly, to get physical?

But since this day does exist, and since relentless coverage forces everyone, however fleetingly, to acknowledge the concept of sex, love, and romance even for a passing second, why not take advantage of the opportunity and go over some crucial tips on how to take things to a physical level when out on a date. This probably won’t be a Valentine’s Day date, as those are usually for couples. But hey, you never know.

No, this isn’t a complicated seduction website.

This isn’t going to be some elaborate seduction seminar or complicated series of difficult-to-remember conversation moves. For those of you religiously following the ’seduction’ community, more power to you. But this article is for the guys who either a) find the idea of using a full-on behavioural/seduction manual counterproductive to being themselves, or b) guys who already have a bit of game but sometimes have trouble taking it to the next level.

It’s normal; part of the unbelievable fun of seduction and sex is the uncertainty of it all, the notion that for every big chance you might get to spend the night with someone you’ve been after, there’s an equally great chance you could screw it all up. Even—no, especially—with the best of intentions.

With that in mind, here are a few ways to go about taking things to a physical level without a) being an asshole, b) being a passive, unattractive pushover, or c) screwing it all up in the end.

First: one thing to keep in mind before we begin.

Before the list, though, I ask you to keep one thing in mind first, one thing over and above any individual pieces of advice or methods, and that is:

People are smart enough to see through most tricks, so that’s not what these are. Tricks don’t work. A girl is going to know if you’re acting against your nature. She’s going to know if you’re faking a macho personality just to try and impress her, and she’s going to know if you’re hiding a misogynistic side as you attempt to seem ‘down’ with feminism. Don’t act silly.

Now wait, you say—is a girl always going to pick up on this? Well, no. There are plenty of girls who won’t, plenty of girls who really do want that silly macho personality with absolutely nothing behind it. But put it this way: you shouldn’t be going after them, they who are woefully attracted to straight-up, brutally simplistic machismo with no charm attached. You’re an intelligent guy, right? There are millions of intelligent girls, too. They deserve your attention.

Plus: over-the-top macho dudes don’t bother reading articles like this, because they’re putting in hours at the gym, waxing their scrotums, or chauvinistically picking up a certain type of woman who can’t see even a tiny bit through the silly exterior. Leave them to it, and everyone’s happy.

So that means don’t try for women who pose for various racing calendars in skimpy bikinis. By all means, stare at them, enjoy them, all the rest—but don’t chase after them. There’s a whole squad of guys out there already doing it, and they’re spending so many sad, depressing hours on their own appearances that it’s better to just leave well enough alone.

And now, to the advice.

Ok, with that out of the way: you’re out or at home with a girl, things are going well, and you’re in that limbo zone between flirting and making a physical move. How do you do it?

Number 1: Keep it Light

This is one of the most effective methods of seduction in general. If you joke around—play little games, try and make jokes about how, say, she’s gonna be obligated to kiss you on the cheek if you finish that piece of cake first, just little, silly things like that. But keep it light.

Don’t make it obvious that you’re trying to escalate things through a desperate series of little games unless the games are actually fun, or flow somewhat organically out of the conversation you’re having.

In other words: if you suddenly propose a silly game in the middle of a depressing movie you’re both watching (probably not the best choice for a date in the first place), you’re not doing it right. It’s got to flow naturally.

That’s the thing: if any of these moves become obvious, change your course. Obvious is different than noticeable, of course. You want your moves to be noticed—hell, you’re trying to get physical here, damnit—but you don’t want obvious, because obvious is just one small step above desperate, my friend, and that we do not want.

Number 2: The Compliment-Touch

Touch her arm, hand, elbow, shoulder, very lightly, as you compliment on her on something. There are specific rules that go with this one:

• You have to be able to read very well here. There are times when it works, times when it should not be tried. Use your intuition.
• Do it with your fingertip first in an almost-unnoticable way. If it works, you’ve broken the tension and set a kind of electric charge between you.
• This sets up a pattern. Once she does it back, take that as a signal to try it again. If she has absolutely zero response or a negative response, move on.

This is one of the most direct physical moves there is, as it involves touching without many previous circumstances already in place. Read those rules over again.

They aren’t things you have to keep in your head at all times (none of this advice works if you’re constantly trying to remember it all while dating, and acting like a weird seduction-robot), but they are things that stem naturally from acting like this, things that contribute to an overall impression of charm and smoothness you’re trying to cultivate.

More to Come

Click here for part 2 of this article, the other big chunk of remaining advice (we can’t drop too much on you at once) and remember: the one rule to keep in your head above all else is naturalness. No one single piece of advice, no single move or word or gesture will ever compensate for the confidence you project when you’re acting natural, when the things you’re doing on a date look like things you’ve done before, not things you read about once on a website.

That should be at the very front of your mind—until it disappears because it’s second nature (ah, there’s that natural word again).

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