Alright, we’re back with our second part of how to take things to a physical level when you’re out on a date or just stuck, in general, in a situation that you know could be way better but so far isn’t. If you missed our first part, check it out here.

Remember the crucial things:

People are smart enough to see through most tricks, so that’s not what these are. Tricks don’t work. These are useful methods to integrate into your already-interesting personality, not pre-fab sets of behaviour you can just expect to work like magic. And so, with that out of the way, on with the show:

The Announcement

This one is tricky but works extremely well, because it can be really disarming. If you think the moment is right to, say, try and kiss her (if you’ve been doing some of the other things already, or it just seems like a charged moment and you’re face to face), but you don’t want to lean in without at least something, this is useful.

It not only cuts the pre-kiss tension (which gets built up afterwards in a different way during the kiss), but it leaves you an ‘out’ that a straight-up kiss-attempt won’t grant you.

What you need to do is announce what you’re going to do just before you do it, something relaxed and slightly ironic, like “I think I’m gonna kiss you right now” or some other silliness. And then leave about one second as you move in, which is—if you’re fast—enough time to read how she’s reacting, and also gives her a bit of time to reject it, if that’s the case.

If she says something tough like “oh, not yet” or “not… right now”, don’t fall apart. Be smart about it. Don’t say anything like “fine” or “I see” or “why?” These are all terrible. Just make another joke in the most relaxed way you can, something like “Ah.. good I announced it first, then” and move on immediately. Whatever you do, don’t dwell on what just happened if it didn’t work out. Immediately say something like “so listen” in a positive tone and start in on something else. ASAP. You’ll be fine.

Of course if you don’t get rejected, this method is a hell of a lot more charming than just a blind attempt with your head and mouth.

Using Circumstances

If you find yourself crammed into a little taxi or sharing an armrest at a movie theatre, squeezing together on a subway car or kept in close proximity by how busy the sidewalk is, use this to your advantage. But do it smartly. Don’t act like a little kid winning a prize, treating this unforseen gift of physical closeness as a kind of free pass that allows you to skip a step in moving things forward.

These situations are always really tricky: you don’t want to call too much attention to how close the two of you are for fear of seeming creepy, and you don’t want to ignore it outright, since that’s boring.

Try and walk the fine line in-between the two. If you’re the type that can make a tension-defusing joke here (ie if you can say “hmm, this is wonderfully awkward” without sounding dumb), do it. If not, good luck—this is often the hardest part.

And Sometimes You Don’t

Sometimes the best way to get physical next time is by realizing when it isn’t your time at the moment. Or maybe ever. Don’t worry. You’re a chivalrous dude, not a grunting pig.

Use your intelligence, and if it’s not in the cards, if your other attempts have been met by gentle refuffs, drop it immediately and seriously devote your attention to something else for the evening. If you can’t do that, if your expectations of physical romance can make you completely unfocused once they don’t work out, you’ve got some prioritizing to do.

But if you can move on and still have a great time, things will work out for you. And if they don’t, ultimately? So what. You were mature about it regardless. Don’t pout and you’ll be a better guy for it.

To Conclude

Of course this goes without saying, but every piece of dating/sex advice sorta requires this as a disclaimer, and although it’s a sad situation to always have to put this in, it’s necessary: if she has been rebuffing you in a not-so-gentle way and you’re still trying, stop at once. Go home and re-evaluate what the hell it is you think you’re doing as a man before going on another date and subjecting the opposite sex to your BS.

But that’s not you, right? No, and thank God. Go out there, and actually enjoy the uncertainty, that thrill at the beginning when it’s all on the line, when you’ve gotta take things to the next level and the challenge is to figure out which way (and there are many, as we’ve seen) you’re gonna do it. Be a smart man in every way you can.

Check out the first part of this article here.

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