The Timeless Art of Girls on Walls.

We all have that undeniable urge to put up posters and photographs of naked women on our walls. Admit it. We want them up there to greet us when we walk in, to look down on us as we sleep or partake of other in-the-bed activities, and we want them just because they’re naked and nearly life-sized, damnit.

But it’s not exactly classy to head online, order up some posters from the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, or Playboy, or wherever, and just throw them up on your wall. Too fraternity-house, too “Mom finally let me put a lock on my door so I can do whatever I want in here now!” kind of thing. We’re not all 15 anymore.

But wait, wait… just because we’re also trying to act like respectable, classy men (sometimes), are we forced to never put up a large-scale reproduction of the female form? Forced to never contemplate the excellency of that wonderful creation, resigned to examining it only in small, magazine format, online, or in person?

Here’s a Very Fine Solution.

No, we’re not forced to. Societal constraints might prevent us from doing so without a tinge of remorse, but we here at ryoni.com, who know all about the importance of the female body, have discovered what is surely the classiest solution that still allows you to have nearly naked women all over your walls.

It might take a little leap in taste and tolerance, but trust us, that one day when you finally move in with your girlfriend and have to start making decorating decisions together? That day will involve you putting up a representation of a nearly naked woman designed to make people slightly excited while looking at her, and your girlfriend saying “I love it!” and it staying on the wall forever.

How is that possible? Easy: pin-ups!

That’s right. There’s a whole world of glamorous art available to go up on your wall right this very moment, and practically all of it is 100x classier than any cheesy frat-house poster you’ll find elsewhere.

The King of the Pin-Ups.

For something that’s a little less arousing than a full on 2000s-era swimsuit model but still fun to look at, check out some of the unbelievable illustrated work done by the best pin-up artists of the 1940s and 50s. Alberto Vargas is one famous name, but for my money, no one is better than Gil Elvgren.

There’s something about his colour schemes, about the gorgeousness of his women, and the fact that in nearly every piece of work, they’re being ‘caught’ by the artist’s eye in some wonderful phase of undress.

He strikes the perfect balance between the pin-up aesthetic and showing skin, never getting too boring but keeping things just on the edge of tastefulness all the same, which is why his art is perfect to adorn your walls. I’ve got three of his prints on mine.

If illustrated pin-ups aren’t your style, go for actual pin-up photos. There’s a goldmine of good stuff out there, and there’s a certain voluptuous sexiness about many of these girls that you won’t find on a modern calendar.

Curvaceous, Gorgeous Women.

Standards were simply different back then, so what might look like flaws or a more compartmentalized sexiness today (generally, I’m talking about an extra few pounds here, a bit more curvaceousness there) was not only the mainstream back at the time, but was actually celebrated.

As such it means your sexy wall posters are not only more human-looking, but if you ever find yourself in the position of having to defend, for whatever reason, the fact that you have a lot of girly photos on your walls, you’ll be on much more solid ground when it’s time to make your argument.

And If Pin-Ups Don’t Do it For You?

If you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t just put up swimsuit photos on his wall but goes all out and plasters his room with posters of completely naked women, is there a tasteful option for you? Well, yes and no.

Putting up various pieces of vintage erotica, old nudes, and Playboy shots from the 50s is probably your best bet here, but a lot of the old erotica photography just isn’t going to get the eyes of today very excited.

Partially because it’s not very well done in the first place, and second because it’s just a little weird in general. Every woman photographed looks practically the same at first glance.

So unfortunately, those of you who need (or just like) full-on nudity up on your walls are probably a little out of luck when it comes to trying forsome ‘tastefulness’. But don’t worry.

If you ever decide to dial down the erotic quota that covers your wallpaper, there are plenty of extremely sexy and wonderfully sharp pieces of work out there that can keep your desire for nudie ladies intact while saving your decorating sensibilities, too.